Everyday I am reminded of how lucky I am to be her mom. However, today was especially great.

As soon as I got home, she was all smiles and so excited to see me. She even reached up while I was picking her up. There is absolutely no better feeling than coming home to a sweet little smiling face who recognizes you as her mommy. 

We laughed, played and cuddled all afternoon. I am beginning to think that my favorite part of the day is bedtime routine. While I absolutely love dressing her up in cute little outfits and bows, there is just something so snuggly and cozy about wrapping her up in her pajamas. 

She has started to recognize bedtime and I now rock her in the chair with her pacifier. She loves being gently sang or hummed to and we just sit there with each other. It is so simple yet makes me feel so many different feelings. I absolutely love it. 

She is so full of energy when I am getting her ready and just smiles and giggles but when we are rocking, she slowly just relaxes and I know she feels safe. Tonight, she fell asleep after slightly fighting going to bed. We rocked and I faced her toward me. Her head rested so slowly and peacefully on my chest and her tiny hand squeezed my finger. I cannot express the love I feel from her. She says no words and is still so new to this word but yet I feel that she needs and wants me. 

God has truly given me the greatest gift. It once crossed my mind that I would never feel that motherly connection with my own children. But He had a different, wonderful, beautiful and perfect plan. I will never understand why my four babies are up in heaven but I don’t think I’m supposed to understand that. He needed them for some reason, and maybe that reason was to watch over my baby girl. 

Thank goodness for bedtime. 

So, I have been a mom now for just over four months. It is life changing. My whole world has turned upside-down and there are no words to describe how amazing it really feels. I never thought I could love someone this much and I cannot wait to have more babies, God willing. 

Since becoming a mother, I feel like I have joined this elite club of moms that just have this instant bond. Just yesterday, I was walking through Target and another mom was walking in the kids clothing section and she just stopped and we instantly started talking and exchanging our kids names and ages. My husband and I walk into a store and random people talk with us and just want to look at her. It’s the moms that are always the most connected to her. They just get it and even though I don’t know them, I can feel their love even to my baby that they don’t even have any connection with. No one else can really relate to us. 

As a mom, I feel like I am so protective and want everything to go just as planned or how I want. There are definite moments of self-doubt and you just mess up something completely. People tell you all their stories and all of their advice ALL THE TIME. Some you take and some you just leave and have to nod your head and smile. I don’t know everything about being a mom and I am learning every day with her. I want to be the perfect mother for her and my future babies but I know that is unrealistic. The only thing I can do is follow my gut and my heart and work side-by-side with my husband. 

My daughter has taught me so much already. Not only has she taught me more patience but how to love even more. The people around her are so loving and you are just treated differently as a mom. I absolutely love it and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have a feeling my heart will grow and grow with every little miracle we create.